i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
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He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
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The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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