my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Randomize
