moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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