This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
