Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
