I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
