You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
