Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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