I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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