I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Randomize
