fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Randomize
