I want to have your abortion
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Randomize
