He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Randomize
