the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
