i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Randomize
