When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
If I die, sorry about rent.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
