You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
