her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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