I wish I only lived at night.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
