hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
My penis needs a shock collar
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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