Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
You made out with two different species that night
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
