Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
