Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
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