do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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