somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
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