I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
