Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
