Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Randomize
