Will you blow on my dice?
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Randomize
