im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
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