just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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