i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
she looked like the before picture.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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