PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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