I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
