i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
