Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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