I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
