I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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