i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
