Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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