Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I need to align my fucking chakras
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
