The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
