they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
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Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
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I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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