I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
