They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
