i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
