Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
