Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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