you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
