The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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