hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
