I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
