you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
