last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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