i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize