omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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