Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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