Christians are straight up FREAKS
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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