someone get that fucking seahorse.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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