If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
He shit in the fireplace
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
