so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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